I have been in several extremely controlling relationships. Everything was controlled, from my appearance to who I was allowed to talk to. Because I didn’t understand what the difference was between being considerate of people’s feelings and being controlled to the nth degree, I am learning how to untangle those feelings.
My partner is incredibly refreshing because he’s slowly teaching me how to understand what proper boundaries are and what & if needs control applied to it. The fact that not only do I appreciate he’s doing this, I am expanding my knowledge of things and myself. After wearing mental shackles through my childhood and first marriage, the fact that I am free to dress how I want to & feel is appropriate, is mind blowing. I am constantly making baby steps to reclaim myself. From being able to buy lingerie for myself and my partner to picking out what style of eyeglasses, the amount of freedom I feel & am experiencing is quite the game changer.
Control is usually related to jealousy. While a tiny bit of jealousy is normal for people to have, it’s totally another thing to be so jealous of others even talking to your partner/spouse that you almost combust from rage. That’s incredibly unhealthy for both people in the relationship. The jealous person is expending much energy that could be used to encourage their partner or to develop their relationship. The controlled partner feels no freedom, no friendships other than the approved people, loss of agency, and the incredible feelings of being worthless constantly.
Instead of being happy with your partner being mentally healthy, the need to control every aspect rules the day. From what clothes you can wear to who you are allowed to talk to, it’s extremely hard to enjoy living when you are limited to occupying a 2 foot square spot in the corner. There’s a full house available, but you are still only limited to the 2 foot of space.
Jealousy will snuff out a relationship, both romantic and platonic ones. It’s hard to burn with love for someone who prevents oxygen from getting to you, let alone actively tries to snuff your spirit out.
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